12 October 2006

Preaching Harder than It Looks

Preaching Harder than It Looks
Bine Pluff, Arkansas
Published by Theobilly

Last night during revival at the Pleasant View Baptist Church the Rev. Frederick Sparks had to call on Deacon Don Gunoe for relief for a full four minutes until his "preaching cramps" subsided. This was not the first time Deacon Gunoe had to fill in for the injury proned Rev. Sparks, just last month Deacon Gunoe completed communion and delivered three benedictions.

Rev. Sparks, a great preacher when he is healthy, blames his cramps on the lack of proper air circulation in the sanctuary and brackish water in his drinking cup in the pulpit. But congregants have other opinions. Sister Marybeth Wiley thinks his cramps have to do with "all of that pork fat he chews on Sunday morning." While Brother James Wilbur surmises, "if he would just go in the pulpit with more than index cards and finish the sermon on Thursday I bet those cramps would miracously disappear." Whatever the root cause, Rev. Sparks has hired Susan Becklewith of Enhancement Sporting to be present during his preaching engagements over the next two months.

"It is often assumed that the pastoral life is nothing more than sitting on your rump, eating pie and gabbing with parishioners. There is a lot of truth to that," confessed Rev. Sparks. But, he added, "you try preaching with to all those sleepy and empty faces and see if that doesnt cause some kind of psychological cramping."

No comments: