23 March 2012

Santorum's Visit to New Orleans

My Article on Santorum's visit to New Orleans. This may make the syndication routes. Read it first here as a blog entry.

Santorum visits New Orleans

Responding to the presence of the Gingrich in New Orleans camp Santorum arrived in the Crescent City last night to meet voters and, hopefully, shore up another southern victory this Saturday. Candidate Santorum spoke before a befuddled audience in Mid-City. It seems his staff did not do their homework considering the eccentricities of New Orleans Culture. They thought they would be speaking in a lounge before the big men who are members of the prestigious Louisiana Club, instead of the location where he spoke: The Big Man Lounge on Louisiana Avenue.

Santorum made the most of situation, climbed up onto the bar and addressed the crowd with the usual, "Hello." But the crowd confused the candidate by responding with, "Alright." In his moment of stunned silence a patron of the establishment approached the bar, just to the right of Santorum, and ordered a Biere Pale and a side of boudin. Perhaps it was the smoke in the air, perhaps it was the uncommon accents, perhaps he was dizzy but what happened next could very well put the final period to his candidacy.

When Santorum finally began speaking again, his manner had significantly changed. He chastised the patrons of the Big Man Lounge saying, "This is America and in America we speak American! When I say hello you say Hello back. And in America we order Coors Light, because it says right on the can that it is cold and has a large drinking spout so we dont spill it all over ourselves! And in bars, not lounges, we order American food like hot wings and fries." He could have, he should have, ended his speech there but he went deeper into his soul, something last night triggered a rant that can only be likened to Dr. Seuss' character Sam from his bestselling Green Eggs and Ham.

"I hate it when Americans do not speak American. And I tell you what else I hate:
I hate creamy Jif peanut butter.
I hate it when men wear ties with sweater vests.
I hate multicolored bowling balls.
I hate cut off denim shorts
I hate blue jeans that are not blue
I hate it that Costco sells Herman Miller chairs
I hate it that I cannot buy a chalupa from Taco Bell without being labeled soft on immigration
I hate it when reporters bring up that I lost to Bob Casey by 18 points."

He may have kept going but Big Sam's Funky Nation had a 8:30 gig.

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