Christmas Tales 2013 Edition

Last year I tried, for the first time, my hand at a sermon in verse.  I had a blast, so I did it again this year.

Judson Sermon 20131222 "Why Lutefisk from Jacqueline Thureson on Vimeo.

Why Lutefisk and Not Squirrel

sermon-in-verse Advent IIII

December 22, 2013

Judson Memorial Baptist Church

Minneapolis, MN

The Rev’d G. Travis Norvell

Before we begin there are a few things you must know

1.     Angels are very heavy sleepers

2.     Angles are terrible at rhyming words

3.   Not every line will rhyme true.  I know y’all know the song The Wichita Lineman by Jimmy Webb, the most popular line,

And I need you more than want you

And I want you for all time

And the Wichita Lineman is still on the line.   Did you hear that?  Time and line do not rhyme, it is what songwriters call a faux or lazy rhyme.  Well this morning I have declared faux or lazy rhymes to be fine and dandy.

     4.  I will go in out and between rhymes and regular sentences a few times.

     5.  Finally, this story is pretty all true. 

Kids you probably do not know

But not so long ago

There was a squirrel in our house

A squirrel, not a mouse.

It lived in the walls

And scurried down the halls.

It was a pest

and we wanted to send it out west.

So we called a man

And he came with a plan

To rid our house of the vexation

With a cumbersome conglomeration

Of traps, and cages, and snares

Guaranteeing the squirrel would never haunt our stairs

And he caught the squirrels, there were eight

But one escaped.

A red one that talked

Well more like squawked. 

Now one day this summer I laid on my hammock and napped. After some time transpired I awoke to the awful audio of annoyance, a red squirrel squawking.  I looked around and sure enough there on the lowest branch of the sugar maple was a red squirrel squawking at me and wouldn’t stop.  I tried to shoo it away but she would not move.  So I went back to sleep.  As I slumbered the squawking became softer and softer almost to a whisper.  And in the whispering there was a rhythm and in the rhythm there was a word.  And this is what she said:

Lutefisk, lutefisk, that awful dish

Have you ever wondered why they eat that fish

On Christmastime

And not any other time?

I have, I have pray tell my friend

I will, I will, it is a story I do commend.

Long ago before the cities of the earth were in form

Squirrels for dinner at Christmastime was the norm

We were stewed, fried, sautéed and boiled

And squirrel gravy was worth more than oil.

Until the day Mary the woman and Joseph the man

Journeyed from Nazareth to Bethlehem

They were on the run full of fear

For soon out of the woman a babe would appear.

They were searched for a place to stay

But every innkeeper said go, go, go away.

Until one man offered his grange

Mary said we’ll take it as long as my child wont catch the mange

So they prepared a bed

Right where the animals were fed

And soon the woman a’swoon

The babe wanted out, it was a full moon

In a bit the babe was in her arms

Sadly, no one sounded the alarms

The angels, the angels said they would sing

But there was nary a ring

About that time

Came the squirrel named Clementine

I told you there would be lots of false rhymes

Every night she ate the oats

The were not eaten by the goats

But this night in her path was a block

a mother in babe in afterbirth shock

so she went another way

up and over the fray

Now children there is another thing you must know

Angels were sleeping in the rafters whose snores sounded like a tornado

Up in the rafters of the stable

Were the archangels Michael and Gabriel

They slept through the birth of Jesus

While mary screamed angels cant you hear us?

Clementine while scurrying up and over the winged sleepers

Tickled them so that they opened their peepers

Hearing the mother and seeing the child

They flew to the sky and sang like wild

Glory to God in the highest

And peace on earth

Remember no hard how they try, every time

Angles just cannot…make sentences end with the last syllable of words sounding a like. 

All creation sang that night

And in heavens a new star shone bright

Simply because of a hungry squir-rel

Tickled and woke God’s person-nel

The  next morning the angles found Clementine

Way up high in a sticky tall tree of pine

Squirrel, they said, you’ve done a great deed

So we bring you gifts of  nuts and seed.

God too was filled with gratitude

And wanted to lift up Clementine’s magnitude

Squirrel because of your great feat

At Christmastime no one will eat your meat

But your probably wondering what does this have to do with lutefisk aren’t ya?  Well for that we have to go another place, to the council of the Most High

On the night the angles sang

All of creation rang

Except for one, aint that odd,

It was the stubborn cod!

The cod was the only animal that refused to sing

So God cursed that awful thing

Cod, from now on you shall be the featured fish

On each and every Christmas dish

But that is not enough

You shall also be soaked in that awful stuff

Lye, Lye, Lye

Because you would not comply

And that kiddos is why every Christmastime we eat lutefisk and not squirrel.